wishful thinking

today, i'am less of a man.
regret consumes me..
the memories.. haunt me.

the biggest mistake i made was to lay eyes on you..
i should've shut them until i had the chance to..
but i wanted to know more, i wanted reassurance.
i wanted it to hurt that much that i kept my eyes wide open..



but now, i still am in awe. for i could still feel,
all the while, my eyes are wide shut.

like a blind mind, the sensations around me are stronger.
however, i could never again look at what these are.

imagination.

always in dreams, could i see. only in dreams i could believe.
only in dreams am i with you.

we built sandcastles in sand for the waves to destroy..
how could all these happen just like that?
all the hardwork for a split second wave..
the sea of tears is calling me, but i'am not ready to drown.

here i'am dressed as a clown.
trying to please everyone, but behind all the powder and make-up
is a frown that cannot be turned upside down.

and then i see you
nothing else
but you

looking deep into my eyes, like finding answers in questions
that i could never ask

i never had any regrets, only mistakes

and there is no other person to blame but myself.

i just wanted to say goodbye.. but why am i saying hello..
as if i just saw you for the first time?

i just have to let it go..

i just have to pray that you may find someone..


who will love you..






just as i do now..